Professionally, Acting was always a bit of a reluctant
call. Love the art but am afraid of the unknown and of my own judgement. Acting
is such a personal art and it is collaborative. That collaboration with people
who were unfamiliar was a challenge for me. Before I would take almost any job
in the field and now after hitting a milestone professionally and moving away
from LA, I can no longer do that. I am more discerning and honest with myself.
What lies ahead depends on how I answer the questions I am asking myself and
God.
Personally both in friendship and romance--I reflect a lot more when I feel
disrespected or in low priority. Oftentimes, silence has the answers that words
can not provide. The decisions take time but they do come. In new
relationships--I take my time and discern and when I choose to respond--I have
been gifted the grace to do so chartiably.
Being honest with yourself is not easy. Eventually. operating on fear
becomes a non productive habit.
The fruit of all of this has mainly pleasant
aspects now. The pleasant is peace, patience, joy and humility and the unpleasant is unexplained loneliness at times.
The process to get here involved struggle, detachment, feeling stuck, fighting
myself and anger. Growth is never easy but it is worth it. The miracle that
comes is when the doors finally open and the past doors finally close. It is at
once unexpected and a great relief. Place holders are removed and you finally
feel yourself moving forward.
The one gift that I have been graced with is intuition and trusting that
that comes when it comes. Listening to it is always the way forward. As the Advent season progresses, I find my calendar full with
good choices. FOMO only applies to the stock market. :-) But with every new
struggle..I will find that answer. The struggle is a new opportunity for
growth.
This season of Advent is teaching me that some old traditions are good
and some no longer feed the season. It teaches me that Jesus is not the same or
stagnant even in celebrating his birth year in and year out. He is always
waiting and welcoming us to New Beginnings.
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